WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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