im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
