the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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