Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
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I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
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i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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