I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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