Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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