My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
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I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
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He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.