u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....