Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
