Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize