Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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