please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
