considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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