his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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