dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
