At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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