never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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