her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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