new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Mom said you looked used
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
