there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
