Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
