I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I woke up under a house in Key West
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
