Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
