I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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