I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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