Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
