He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
