Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
