he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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