Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
