He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Randomize
