The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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