I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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