Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
