i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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