If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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