Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
