Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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