There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
