Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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