Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
