turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
