I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
