I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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