I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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