Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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