You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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