yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
