I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just found puke in my bra..
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
