I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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