Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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