Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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