I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
