paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
