Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
