Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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