there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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