mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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