I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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