i just made my gag reflex go away.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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