Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
How external is "for external use only"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize