Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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