She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
No subtext here. People are naked.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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