i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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