This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
